This memoir is a story about my experience as a middle schooler. The common theme is poverty, and the insecurity and isolation that can come with it. The relates to my theme of environment and nature, as well as economics. It relates to economics by showing the perspective of a poor person in relation to new products. It details how the seeming importance buying new clothes, in this case shoes, can affect a young person. It also relates to the discussion of sustainable fashion, which is often not accessible to poor communities. It relates to conversations about being an environmentally conscious consumer, often comes from a place of privilege.

At 6:30 in the morning I woke up, and wiped the sleep from my eyes. Determined to relish in the few minutes I would have left before school, I laid in bed and closed my eyes again. This peaceful silence would only last for a short moment, so I tried my best to appreciate the moment. This nirvana is cut short as my mother knocks on my door, and comes in before I can muster a response. She tells me to get up and get ready for my day in middle school, and I reluctantly obliged to her request.

After sleepily walking to the bathroom, I look at myself in the mirror for a few seconds. At this point in my life, looking in the mirror was something I generally avoided. From the few glances that I saw of myself, I saw the familiar acne, dark skin, and kinky hair that I was insecure about when I was thirteen years old. Attempting to ignore these negative feelings, I freshened up and began to get dressed. I dressed into the plain beige khakis and the equally-as-plain blue polo shirt. I put on socks, and the shoes I wore every day at school. They were simple black canvas shoes that my mom had purchased for me at Payless. I was accustomed to having one pair of “school shoes” for each school year. With these being worn by me every day, they would gradually become more torn and stained throughout the year. The school I attended was Our Sisters’ School in Dartmouth, Massachusetts. A rule, amongst other strict rules, was that “name brand” shoe brands like Nike and Adidas were not allowed to be worn. This was done because the school was meant for girls that came from low income families, and the founders did not want jealousy and feelings of inadequacy amongst students. The school uniform was meant to have a feeling of “sameness” amongst students, with girls with higher household incomes being put on the same playing field as girls with less. Despite this, name brand and non name brand shoes were worn, and there were seemingly no arguments around such a simple topic as shoes. Although for me, seeing people come in with different shoes every day seemed out of reach for me, and I allowed this to be added to my long list of insecurities. 

After eating breakfast, me and my mother leave our house in the projects and drive to school. After reluctantly getting out of the car and saying goodbye to my mother, I join the other girls on the basketball court before we are allowed inside of the building. The cold winter air blows around me as I walk to the court. The thinning soles of sneakers made me aware of the cold pavement. Though I seemingly got along with my classmates, there was nobody that I felt the urge to go up to and talk to before class started. I was not allowed to hang out with my friends outside of school, which caused me to be alienated from my peers. As I walked alone on the court, I noticed two girls from my class looking in my direction, and laughing. As paranoia runs through my brain, the air gets colder and my legs get more tired. After what seems like an eternity, we are finally allowed to go inside of the building and to start class.

While listening to my science teacher talk discuss the periodic table, the weight of the day truly begins to rest on my shoulders. The sadness that I felt was more distracting to me than other girls talking, and people walking by in the hallways. As I stared at the whiteboard, I held back tears. My jaw ached from holding back sobs, and I tried my best to not make eye contact with anyone. I resisted wiping my eyes with the back of my sleeve, in effort to not draw attention from my peers. My teacher turned off the lights in the classroom, and began to set up the projector to show us an educational video. One classmate made a comment about me being too dark for anyone to see, sparking laughter from my peers. I managed to muster up a smile, and waited for the attention to focus back on the video. 

After a long school day, I trudged to my mothers car. Feeling relief from the cold cement from outside, my mother greeted me. The conversation was a blur, and I was immediately being lectured by her. She told me she had never raised a daughter that acted like me, and that I was being influenced by my peers to have a bad attitude. When driving home, there were no words spoken after this altercation. I unwound after the day, went to bed, and got ready to do it all over again.